||[Sep. 23rd, 2003|11:30 pm]
Feeling Sorry For Myself
Should I ever be anything except THERE for everyone else? I freely admit, I'm a little clingy cause I'm scared of being alone but it can NEVER be said that I'm not a good friend. I dare people to find a better friend than I.
When it comes to the point where I need a friend, a real, in person one, everyone's gone. Even when I flat out and say "can we please get some time together and talk, I need to talk.", which by the way, is a HUGE step for me to admit, something comes up or it's trivialized. Being ignored in an obvious and blatant cry for help is bad enough but the kicker is when they turn around and say "why didn't you tell me you had to talk to me?"
I have minimal physical friends as it is, I don't trust 99% of them intimately although they are all superior people inside and out. My feelings are my own and cases where I reach out and get snubbed just reinforce that I can't let my own feelings be unleashed without fear of someone taking the leash and making it a choker for their convenience.
My best and only true friend is gone. I can't stop crying. I have no one to cry to because they were the one I would go to.