|Innocence Lost - Cross Post
||[Sep. 26th, 2003|01:52 pm]
Feeling Sorry For Myself
|||||"Fly from the Inside" - Shinedown||]|
Recently, I have discovered that all I have come to believe about myself and people is more often than not, untrue. I believed that I was stronger than I am and I believed that the people who claim to love me were only doing so at their convenience. Trust me, I know that life gets in the way and that everyone has to be their own top priority. I have always liked the line that says, "No one will take better care of you than you." I don't know if that's a quote from someone or if it's something I made up while I was in my very protective mode. When I discovered that the feelings that were overwhelming me were in fact anxiety and panic, I took a stance at first and said that I would always win. I tell a casual friend who asks about me once in a while that, "I'm still standing." That's the best I could offer sometimes, to be glad that everything hadn't knocked me over and trampled me. Well, I may be standing but I surely feel trampled.
My day consists of asking myself why I should wake up and get moving, crying for a bit, sitting at work questioning why is wrong with me that makes others disinterested in me. This has been one hellacious week for love and loss, self pity and loss of self. All my energy is focused on tomorrow night because that's when I'm required to be "on". I love what I do but I think I need a break for a while (sounds like something I heard this week as well).
Thank you for all the kind words and welcome that I've found here. I hope we can be there for one another when needed.