|the first entry..kindof silly.
||[Oct. 23rd, 2003|03:16 am]
Feeling Sorry For Myself
I will never have the love i truley want.
because its there and i can feel it.
i just dont know if he does.I feel i will never know.
I dont know if what im feeling is more then love, is something other than love,or is it just a closeness from a strong bond in which ive held with this person for years.
I never had a label for this emotion before but it's something unlike any other.I always thought he was perfect.His imperfections i always found to be beautiful.Nothing could describe his beauty the way i see him.When he's mean its cute.And when we fight it feel's as though i have lost my own soul.I have no purpose in life without him.i am nervous sometimes around him yet find no shame in him seeing me at my worst.I want to be beautiful for him i want to have the curves, the breasts, the fashion,and the personality to be with him.he describes what he wants and its the same wants i know i could give him.He just hasn't known that side to me.I know he knows there is something there.Whatever it is it has brought us together in the worst of times and the best.and something forces us to be around one another.He Knows it He just has to.No one has what we have.But why wont he be with me.